She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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