I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
