They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
