Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
