The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
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I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
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When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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