sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
