I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Drunk is not a location!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
