I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a bar mat shot.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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