Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
