he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
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He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
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Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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