I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
