I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
