come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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