and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
