The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
