so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
she looked like the before picture.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
