i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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