I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
