4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
