Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
