i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
