I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
