all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize