just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Omg I joined a choir last night...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
