i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize