I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
