Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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