He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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