I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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