apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
