you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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