yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
