3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I could have mohawked her pubes.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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