So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
