i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Maybe he injected his testicle?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
