her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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