You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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