he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
