he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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