She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
