Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
