im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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