it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
