Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
