the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
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