i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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