last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
