Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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