the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
i think my cat just said my name.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
