Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
