This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
