Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
