I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Randomize
