My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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