We're like a lot better than the average bears
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
