Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
