you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
