i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize