hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
