thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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