Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
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Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
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The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
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