I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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