Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
