so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
zippers are such a cool invention
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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