I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
