sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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