My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
