I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
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Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
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What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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