dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
