Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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