i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize