I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
