If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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