hotel room ftw
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
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Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
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I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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