Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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