Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
