I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
