he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I think we might need a safe word for this...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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