Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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