That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
