I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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