I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
