Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
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what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
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So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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