There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I deserve this hangover.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
