I just threw up on my dentist
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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