I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
