I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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