if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
