i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize