I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
