why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
