When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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