I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
